Ahhhh. The doctor’s visit is over for another six months. Relief. Peace. A quiet spirit.
No, nothing painful or difficult happens in that office. Unless you count that most dreadful of enemies, the office scale. (Take the shoes off, take the sweater off and wear the lightest clothes you own – that’s bound to make that big number a little lower, right?) No, my nemesis is the blood pressure cuff. For those of us afflicted with “white coat syndrome,” it’s a source of great anxiety.
Whatever my real blood pressure is, it’s not evident when the nurse takes it. The doc has me keep a log in between visits, just to see what the score is when I’m not in her office. And, on my meds, it’s always just fine at the Walmart or Sam’s machines. But push me (drag me, shove me) through the doors of that medical office and plunk me down in the chair and, whoop – those numbers go shooting right up (which, when you think about it really is not so surprising considering that the very first thing they do is weigh a person! Stress inducing for any woman, right? Now that I think of it, maybe they should take the blood pressure first and then tackle the scale!).
All the medical personnel at my doctor’s office are nice people. My doctor is a nice person. As far as I know, they are all capable professionals. I can’t figure out why I have such difficulty with this blood pressure thing, except that to me, it’s a test I just know I’m going to flunk. And I’m a person who would rather not do a thing, than try it and flub it. Not the adventurous sort, me.
Before an appointment I pray.I read Scripture.I do deep breathing exercises. And I do it all again. And again. Today was actually a little better than usual. The red, blotchy “doctor rash” that usually creeps over me like a monster fungus at this time was noticeably absent. But I’m still troubled that I’m troubled.
And then I remember: I’m human. I’m flawed. There are just some things I don’t do at all well. I need Jesus to help me work on those flaws. And maybe, just maybe, I need those flaws to keep me remembering that.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
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